BillyShakespeare.com: It’s like Shakespeare...only in English.
“Comedy is easy. Family’s hard.” ~ B.S.
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Several years ago, I was in England touring the birthplace of William Shakespeare at Stratford-On-Avon-Calling. I grew restless and wandered away from my tour group to stroll through the lush gardens surrounding Shakespeare’s boyhood home. I was standing beside a rock wall in the garden gazing at nothing in particular, when I noticed a loose stone in the wall. I quickly zipped up my trousers and bent down to investigate. On closer inspection, I found the stone was easily removed with just a sharp tug, and several minutes of chipping away at the cement with my car keys while steadily hammering on it with another rock I’d found nearby.
When the stone finally fell to the ground, it revealed a small hiding place, and nestled inside was a dusty leather portfolio containing a thick stack of aged parchment. I opened the folder and was astonished by the top page. In beautiful, careful calligraphy, it read: The Incomplete Works of Billy Shakespeare.
A fast glance through the rest of the papers confirmed my suspicions: I had discovered dozens of unpublished manuscripts penned by William Shakespeare himself! I knew instantly the documents in my possession would be of enormous importance to the world and would rock the very foundations of English literature. More importantly, they would be priceless! I tucked the leather portfolio under my shirt, leapt over the garden wall, and hauled ass to my rental car.
When I returned to the United States, I was eager to pore over these lost works in detail. However, I was immediately saddened to discover that, not only had the effects of time worn away at the documents, but so had a leaky bottle of cologne I’d packed in my suitcase. C.K.B. K.O.’d B.S. P.D.Q. Precious little ink now remained on the parchment, so I began a labor-intensive and years-long process of restoring the great works to their original splendor. I have decided to begin releasing excerpts from the works of Billy Shakespeare (or as I’ve come to know him, “B.S.”) to the general public. Though the restoration continues, I feel it is finally time to unload my B.S. onto the World!